Dying to Meet Him: The Grieving Process
Gabrielle "Elle" Devenish, a 30-year-old single Christian woman, was told by doctors that she has 6 months to a year to live.
"My heart, lungs, bones and muscles have all deteriorated beyond repair, according to doctors. My white blood cell count continues to match that of a last-stage chemo patient and my electrolytes are always on the edge."
For Elle's full Bio, click here.
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The Grieving Process
Originally posted February 12, 2012
Despite all the praise I've been receiving for being so strong, I really am weak. The only strength I have right now is through my Savior, as days like today, my human body is just a shaky, weeping mess.
It is not for me to ask why, I don't have to know. I know God has a plan through all of this and my only job is to glorify Him.
But God, I just want You to know how much it hurts too! I can't stand losing motor skills and brain capacity. I am becoming more and more vegetative, having to rest all the time, and I have very little emotional regulation. I feel so very out of control.
I guess that's it, it's that word again: CONTROL.
I don't have control over my life, nor do I have control over my death – long or short, hurtful or not. He has the ultimate control; He knows my days. My breaths are in his hands. I will continue to endure until He has completed the good work He promises He has begun in me.
At the same time, I see so many others hurting. My friend Lesley, who was coming from Colorado to see me today, got in a terrible accident on some icy roads and had to turn around and head for home.
Satan wants to make me feel guilty for her accident (if it weren't for me, she wouldn't have been driving to St. George and she wouldn't have had a car accident). Those are messages that are so false and full of guilt; I know God is not the author of such suggestions.
I am reminded of Jesus asking God in the Garden, "Father, if You are willing, let this cup pass from me"; I am feeling that. But my tears end with peaceful resolve as I remember the next words Jesus said: "Nevertheless, not MY will but Yours be done."
Lord Jesus, that is my prayer also. And I face much less than He did in the Garden. Jesus has already walked this path, so now He can walk me through it.
I just have to take His hand.
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Check back with CP soon for more updates on Elle's condition in "Dying to Meet Him."
