Fifty Shades of Grey: Can True Love And Abuse Really Co-Exist?
Does anyone else think it is strange that, at a time when our culture is finally starting to face up to the horrors of domestic and sexual abuse, the most anticipated Valentine's Day movie was about a man tying up a woman?
Americans spent some over $81 million to go see the film Fifty Shades of Grey this past weekend.
It is disturbing that a film about a woman who acquiesces to a man's mistreatment in her quest for true love was the top grossing film during a holiday weekend that is meant to celebrate love.
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As a happily married couple of more than 38 years, our hearts ache for those who might see this film and believe this is true romance. Fifty Shades of Grey does not depict an expression of real love nor is it what women deserve. As a professional counselor, I (Rita) have seen the pain of sexual dysfunction and the damage it causes. When a twisted relationship is dramatized, softly lit, and projected onto the big screen, we can be lulled into acceptance. But it is still dysfunctional.
In a 2013 study by social scientist Amy Bonomi, a group of women's health professionals read the Fifty Shades novel series and analyzed it using the criteria developed by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) to define intimate partner violence. The study reported that, "nearly every interaction between Ana and Christian was emotionally abusive in nature, including stalking, intimidation, and isolation." The study group also identified "pervasive sexual violence" as defined by the CDC in the relationship—noting Christian's use of alcohol to circumvent Ana's ability to consent, and classic signs of abuse in Ana.
God's relentless pursuit of people, depicted in the Bible, is the ultimate expression of love—a sacrificial one. In the book of 1 Corinthians in the Bible, the Apostle Paul writes, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. . . . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
In her quest for true love, the fictional Ana gets caught up in a damaging relationship, as so many people do. But authentic love "does not dishonor others." It "always protects." Love watches out for others and aims to give rather than receive. Whatever game Christian Grey is playing, it is not love. Love is about serving others and not serving one's own selfish desires.
As a husband and father, I (Roy) urge you to not see this film. The Bible has been our compass throughout our lives together. The pages are filled with compelling stories about people who are learning to love one another and the God who is teaching them how to do it. Rather than turning to the latest trendy novel and movie, why not take a look in a book that has withstood the test of time and tells history's greatest love story.
