'Godly Dating 101' co-founder shares dating tips for Christians
There are several misconceptions young Christians have about what godly Christian dating should look like, according to popular Christian YouTube star Tovares Grey, the co-founder of the "Godly Dating 101" YouTube channel with over 50,000 subscribers.
Grey joined ex-porn star Brittni De La Mora and her pastor husband, Richard De La Mora, for a recent episode of their "Let's Talk Purity" podcast. He shared that while physical attraction matters when Christians search for a romantic partner, exterior appearance shouldn't be the primary focus.
"I believe God wants to give you the desires of your heart. I just think that a lot of times, we go into that pursuit of marriage with a bit of a carnal mindset. Because if all I'm thinking about is looks, then it's easy for me to go into it and date the wrong person and not realize how wrong it is until much later on," Grey advised.
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Grey said that it's essential Christians date with a discerning heart that allows them to pinpoint Christ-centered Christians they should pursue and whom they should avoid dating.
"I would say the real key is checking for fruit. Because Jesus said, 'You're going to know the type of tree it is by the fruit.' Because the apple tree is not going to produce oranges, no matter how much they want to. If an apple tree is in the ground, it isn't going to be an orange fruit coming out of it," Grey said.
"I always try to tell believers if you're dating someone and you want to know if this is the type of person that you should be committed to pursuing … how do you guys line up purpose-wise? How do they challenge you? How do they help you grow into your calling? … How are you able to push them into who God is calling them to be?"
He advised Christians not to date someone solely based on how that person makes them feel, calling that "a shallow thing" to focus on.
"At what point did you realize this person is the reason why I'm praying more, this person is the reason why I'm doing more ministry?" Grey said, adding that godly dating should bring peace, not confusion.
In far too many cases, Grey said some become "aroused by toxicity" because it is "exciting" not to know what's next in their romantic relationships.
Grey warns that if God has not given a person peace about their romantic relationship, it could be because their partner is not beneficial for them.
He advised believers to look out for relationships if a partner does not challenge them in moments when they're weak. He said it's a red flag if a romantic partner allows them to stay "lukewarm" in their faith when dating them.
Grey urged those who are new to the Christian faith not to enter into dating relationships until they have "established a walk with God first."
"A lot of times, you get into a relationship with someone in the Church, and because of their bad example or because of what they lead you into, now you equate God with nonsense," Grey said.
"Now your mindset on how you approach God is like 'all people in the Church are fake. So I don't even care if the guy I date is in church or not. I don't care if the woman is saved or not because of a bad experience.'"
Grey urged new believers to find their identity in God before dating so they aren't only seeking security from the person they are involved with.
"You have to discover who God is for yourself because when you have that walk with Him, then you're already secure, and now you're not necessarily chasing affirmation. You don't need the validation from a man or a woman in order for you to feel at peace," Grey said.
Grey noted, "God is going to teach you what to look out for."
"God is going to build that discernment inside of you, and he's going to show you what the fruit of the Spirit looks like," he added.
Nicole VanDyke is a reporter for The Christian Post.
