Writer on Saving Herself for Marriage: 'Take the Time to Really Find Out Who You Are, What You Want'
A writer has been pleasantly surprised by the reaction to her article revealing that she is a 26-year-old Christian wanting to save herself for marriage.
"This is happening," Ellen Burkhardt posted to Twitter. "To all who asked: I am excited, stunned & more motivated than ever to keep the dialogue going."
Her article for Salon, entitled "When Guys Find Out I'm a Virgin," garnered international attention for its frank honesty and willingness to explore a topic that has become somewhat passé or trendy, based on one's views.
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"There's no good time to tell a guy you're a virgin," Burkhardt wrote in the opening line of the piece. She then continued to explain why she chose to remain a virgin until marriage, which is partly based on her religious views.
"Another reason sex didn't factor into my coming-of-age years is that I'm a Christian. Not a Bible-thumping, the-world-is-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket Christian, but a (sexually) conservative, Bible-believing, traditionally raised Minnesota Lutheran girl who was taught that sex is for marriage and that's that," she explained.
Burkhardt also wrote about her experience dating three different young men, one a "fervently devout and serious Christian with cemented views on pretty much everything." However, he turned out to surprise her by reportedly pressing her to give up her own sexual values and have an intimate relationship with him.
"Every time I would push back and say no, he would throw a tantrum and shut down, making me feel guilty, angry and entirely lost as to what on earth I'd gotten myself into. I stuck around too long with Boy Three, but when I finally did leave, it was with renewed determination to hang on to my virginity, even if it meant waiting a lifetime," Burkhardt noted.
And now that she has gone public with her views, she is receiving support from other young women around the world. The article has gotten over 700 comments on Salon alone, with many more posted to her Twitter account. CBS even picked up the story and conducted an interview with the surprised writer.
"Clearly I've hit a nerve, and maybe more people feel the way I do, then we realize and they've just been too intimidated to share that perspective. Take the time to really find out who you are, what you want," Burkhardt said. "Once you figure that out, just stick to it. For me, it's not having sex until I'm in love and married."
Another writer, Laura Creel, wrote a shorter piece defending Burkhardt's choice from those who insisted that she had been brainwashed or brow-beaten into remaining a virgin until marriage.
"It's my choice; it's Burkhardt's choice; it's no one else's," Creel wrote on Little Utopia. "And to deny that is to deny women the agency not only to make choices about sex, but the agency to make well-informed decisions for themselves."
