Age is a mindset: How mental outlook and actions impact an aging mind

Most of us love to read articles that fit our philosophy in life. I am one of those people. I began life in an isolated area of Saskatchewan, Canada — on the prairie.  We were a very large family and lived in extreme poverty. Education was inadequate, and things such as indoor plumbing, electricity and the simple necessities of life were unavailable.

For many years, I was ashamed of the circumstances in which I grew up. In my elder years, however, with the recognition that there are things more valuable than money can buy, so to speak, I have learned to treasure my place of birth, as well as the values that were born there.  

I left home at the age of 14 to work my way through high school 100 miles away. Even at that young age, I had obtained a set of core values. Those values of persistence, hard work, taking risks and caring for others were and remain at the core of my soul and have directed my life for countless years. These same values continue to direct my life as I approach my 83rd birthday.  

Recently, much has been written about living a productive life in the community of elders. Articles are beginning to appear extolling the benefits of a balanced life, exercising one’s mind as well as our bodies.

There are two authors that I particularly value in these areas. I believe their work can be valuable resources as we move into our elder years. The first is Richard (“Rick”) Warren, author of The Purpose-Driven Life and pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. Warren’s work has a strong spiritual focus, addressing the need for building a life infused with purpose. He writes that “God has created you for a reason,” and guides his readers toward finding that purpose.

Steven Kotler is the author of the recent book Gnar Country: Growing Old Staying Rad. While Kotler tends to focus on the need to begin to prepare for our elder years at an earlier age, his work is also valuable for those in the later stages of aging. Kotler, like Warren, sees a need for spiritual connection at the center of our lives. But much of his critical work is on mindset, developing a positive forward-looking perspective as we age. He even proclaims that “old age is a mindset,” and relying on research in the field of gerontology suggests that a positive mindset adds seven-and-a-half years to an individual’s life!

It is these two factors, mindset and purpose, that I wish to focus on in this article. These issues have been important throughout my life and my aging process. As we move into and beyond our elder years, they are the core issue that leads toward a satisfying, happy life. We must examine these issues and we must also alter our alignment with them, if necessary.

For several years, I worked in private practice as a licensed clinical social worker. Throughout my professional career, I encountered negative lifestyle patterns within my clients around the core issues of mindset and purpose. Working with eating disorder patients particularly, I frequently observed a mindset that was not productive. They would often have a “No, I can’t attitude,” and frequently felt they “should have done something better.” These patterns of coping, often repeated, are obviously not conducive to living a healthy, happy life. Indeed, they are self-defeating and create a fair amount of stress. For the most part, we tend to learn these ineffective thinking patterns within our original family system.  

For some, negative mindsets are deeply ingrained and, of course, as we age, change becomes more difficult. Kotler speaks to the issue of greater fear as we age. As an elder, I myself have experienced that fear on occasion. But for those of us who have lived our life with a positive mindset, we can quickly overcome our fears and move to take the actions we need to begin to build a happy, healthy life — even in our elder years.

I have been fortunate. I grew up with a mother with a positive attitude. In addition to that, I had to survive on my own after the age of 14, where a positive mindset with an attitude of persistence and hard work were essential to my survival and thriving. All 16 of my mother’s children survived and thrived becoming productive individuals within society. Most of my living siblings continue to do so as they age.

It is common knowledge among professionals in the field that lifestyle matters. And we have noted earlier, at the core of lifestyle change is a sense of purpose and a positive mindset. The issue is then, how can we improve our mindset and serve others as we work towards emotional and physical well-being? 

Most of us are aware that setting goals can be a useful tool for growth. I have found setting goals useful throughout my life and continue to set goals as I age. For me, I am more likely to clarify what I want to accomplish by goal-setting. Writing those goals on paper helps me commit to what I want to accomplish. Kotler puts a fair amount of emphasis on setting goals, as we prepare for our elder years. 

As you set your goals and review the history of your life, think about what issues cause you pain or pleasure. For me, I found passion and purpose through experiences that began with pain and suffering, but then led to great growth.

At the age of 58, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was given a 50/50 chance to live. As I struggled with the direction my life was taking and wondered how I would cope, I recalled a simple statement I frequently heard my mother make when I was a child.  In order to discount a negative outcome, she would often say, “In every cloud, there is a silver lining.” As I began to accept my diagnosis and go through the process of recovery, including chemotherapy and radiation, those “silver-lining” thoughts remained with me, as did my deceased mother’s kind voice.

Not long after my diagnosis and when I was still going through chemotherapy and radiation, I met another cancer survivor at our club. As we talked about our common diagnoses, we acknowledged how lonely the journey of survival was, and how we wished we had a place to gather with others who understood our pain.  

Our conversation led to our envisioning bringing a not-for-profit cancer support center to our community. Shortly thereafter, we began to work towards developing that cancer support center in our area. We were fortunate to be able to gain the backing of many in the community and our dreams were fulfilled. Our journey of fulfillment was powered by a positive mindset and a burning sense of purpose.

The support center became central to our community. As the years passed, countless cancer survivors and their families utilized “Wellness Center” to support their healing. My co-founder and I took great pride in the center. As I worked to develop its programs and broaden our community support, I felt privileged and honored to support those who had traveled the difficult journey I had. Although Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life had not yet been published when I was diagnosed in 1998, my Christian background led me to believe that my diagnosis was no accident and I had been called to service by a Higher Power.

More recently and after the age of 80, I have published my memoir, The Blue House: An Elder’s Lifelong Search for Meaning and Purpose. My goal was that through reading this memoir, my grandchildren, as they chose their careers and developed into adulthood, would spend less time chasing the “almighty dollar” and more time creating balance in their lives and caring for others. Of course, writing one’s memoir is always a risk; and I, as well as others, who wrote their memoirs, have had to deal with issues exposed and sometimes troubling to family members. For me though, writing A Blue House and tracing the threads of purpose and evolving mindsets throughout the eight decades of my life, brought rewards greater than the risks.

Throughout this article, we have focused on the need for change. Change requires risk-taking. As we age, we are more fearful of risk. Kotler speaks to this issue in Gnar Country: Growing Old Staying Rad.

For example, there is common agreement in the field of gerontology that exercise leads to a longer, healthier life and that as elders, we need to take this research seriously and make the necessary changes in our lives. Yet throughout my elder years, the most common fear I hear elders speak of is the fear of falling. They are afraid to exercise, as they fear a fall. This fear is understandable as we often observe our peers lose their balance and then fall. Sometimes these falls may even be fatal.

We must assess if the benefits outweigh the risks and sometimes alter our exercise patterns. Obviously, not all falls are fatal. After a compound-fracture in a simple accident, I gave up hiking on treacherous paths but continue to walk three to five times a day and participate in Pilates twice weekly. 

Change is hard, but support from others often makes the process easier. With others, it gives one an opportunity to bounce off ideas, release our frustrations and add a social aspect to our life. Socializing is also noted in the literature as critical for elders. The research shows that life span is increased with socializing, as well as with a change of mindset.

In most communities, one can find support groups through their hospitals, churches and community centers. However, they are less likely to find support groups that focus on the two core values that I have identified as critical in this article. Only recently have these core values been brought into the mainstream. Elders need to be advocates on their own behalf and begin to implement programs within their communities with a focus on positive mindset and purpose. 

Many elders attend church, and a six or eight-week group focusing on the issue of purpose that Warren addresses might be useful. Warren’s work is natural for church groups, as it is based on spirituality and will guide group members through a spiritual journey that will be of great value. 

In this article, we have focused on the critical need to create a positive mindset.  We have also said that negative mindsets are deeply ingrained. Group support could be helpful here also.

Perhaps your local hospital has groups focused on living a healthy lifestyle. If you are attending these groups why not shift the conversation to the critical need for a positive mindset? You may even want to present this article. Try to be as knowledgeable as you can, do some reading, present the research and attempt to bring this critical factor to the forefront within your group.   

In recent years, particularly the young utilize coaches over the internet who are trained to assist clients in lifestyle change. Many of these coaches are familiar with positive psychology, including changing our mindsets, taking risks and cultivating a sense of purpose. Often these sessions take place over Zoom and occur in the privacy of one’s home. We, as elders, can utilize Zoom and other technologies to facilitate the changes we wish to make in our lives.  Zoom is not difficult to use once one becomes familiar with it. I have taken many continuing education courses on Zoom.

I hope that I have advanced your knowledge of aging through the authors presented here, as well as by sharing a bit of my own journey through life. I hope also, as you take the risk to change and find a greater sense of purpose, as well as a positive mindset, the rewards will be many, including deep peace, joy and contentment. Lastly, I hope you will remember and take with you daily the compelling notion that old age is a mindset, and as Kotler provided evidence for in his recent book, “You can teach an old dog new tricks.”

Co-authored with Jacob Shefa, PhD