To Christian parents: 3 tips for if your child comes out LGBT

Most people would not consider being a parent and following Christ a dangerous, unnerving adventure. 

Many of us have been raised in loving, Christian homes where we could agree to disagree, and it was safe to talk about Jesus while maintaining our relationship with Him and others. But times have changed.

This is especially the case when one’s young son or daughter comes out of the closet and identifies himself or herself among the LGBT. And it’s a lesson I’ve learned from personal experience.

Over the last few decades, LGBT ideology has breached the walls of our country, churches, and homes using deception to bring disruption, chaos, and division to families. While agreeing to disagree and maintaining a good relationship is a sign of a healthy bond, those days appear to be gone. In today’s culture, it is now standard for people to believe the lie that if we don’t affirm or agree, then we don’t love.

The fear of the fallout with our child can cause great anxiety, fear, and questioning for parents. Due to the possibility of being separated, parents who once vowed their undying love toward Jesus Christ now deny His power to work and bring life transformation in their child’s life and their own. Many Christian parents compromise biblical standards in order to maintain a relationship with their children while others refuse to walk with their children in a loving way upon hearing their child self-identify as LGBT. 

But what if there is a better way?  

Contrary to what you may be tempted to think, this isn’t an inconvenience but an opportunity.

This wasn’t your fault and God has something for you in it. You have been strategically placed to make an impact for the Kingdom of God and invited to join Jesus in His pursuit of your LGBT-identified child’s heart. As the journey unfolded for me, which I write about in my book The Daring Rescue, the Lord taught me three things that anchored me amid the swirl of circumstances that I never could have planned for or imagined.

First, it’s so important to know God’s character, and when we know His heart it is easier to trust His hand and follow Him. 

When my daughter first shared with me that she experienced same-sex attraction, I dove headfirst into the Gospels. I needed to know who Jesus dined with and how He walked with sinners. What made Jesus angry or broke His heart? Who did He rebuke and to whom did He draw close? What steps did Jesus take to live in alignment with the heart of His Father? Such were the questions I had. 

The thought of separation from a child can cause overwhelming, crippling fear. And if separation happens, the pain feels like flesh being severed. I remember the beginning months of this journey with my daughter. The pain was so intense it felt as though my heart was physically bleeding.

Yet when Jesus went to the cross, His sight wasn’t on the pain He would endure or the short-term separation from His Father. Jesus set His eyes on eternity and on the mission God the Father had entrusted to Him. 

Therein lies my second point: live with eternity in mind. 

Our eternal needs and His Father’s Kingdom are Jesus’ focus. With joy, He fully lived out His purpose: to pave the way for all the world to be reconciled to His Father. For us to have eternal life, Jesus laid down His life. As followers of Christ, we have a similar calling, to lay down our lives and be ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). 

As Hebrews 12:2 declares, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Jesus Christ was faithful, constant, steadfast, gracious, and solid in His affection and obedience toward His Father. We can count on Him extending this same faithfulness to our loved ones, including and especially our LGBT-identified children. 

Thirdly, remember that hindsight is 20/20.

Remembering God’s faithfulness in our lives gives us strength. David walked with such assurance into battle when he faced Goliath because of his history with God. The same is true today. God’s faithfulness in your past is the foundation of your faith in the present. 

As you navigate what’s going on with your son or daughter, take the time to recall God’s goodness. Where were you when God found you? How did He pursue you when you were far from Him?  When you were walking in opposition to Jesus Christ, who held the line for you?  Who shared Jesus with you? Prayed for you? 

The same God who has been faithful in your life will be faithful in your LGBT-identified child’s life. In the 60 episodes of the podcast I started called “The Bridge Between Us,” which explores this particular struggle from a biblically rooted perspective, approximately half of my interviewees are formerly LGBT-identified people, some of whom were in that life for decades, who now testify to God’s faithfulness and redemptive power. The Lion of Judah is moving powerfully in this arena and these stories are appearing more and more even if you never see them in the mainstream press. 

Joining Jesus Christ in His pursuit of your LGBT-identified child’s heart is indeed an adventure, a journey God has entrusted to you. And as you engage with Him, He will equip you for each next step.