8 steps to take to have faith in your marriage again

I scrolled through a myriad of responses to a recent email I’d sent my online community asking, “Who has lost faith in your marriage?” One response, in particular, gripped my heart and took me back to a time where I, too, had been tempted to throw away my own rotten marriage. The person’s response captured the essence of why I posed the question in the first place.  “I want to believe God that things can change, but I just don’t see how it ever will.” Even through a computer screen, I could feel this woman’s pain.

“I know it’s hard to see it,” my fingers began to type, “but that’s what faith is—believing what you cannot see.”

Faith takes us to another realm of reality. The Bible actually defines faith as the evidence of what is not seen  (Hebrews 11:1). Having faith in your marriage requires you to look beyond the sorrowful situation staring you in the face and instead look ahead to what you’re believing God for . . . what you cannot see. Faith is more than hope. It’s an act of surrender, and it’s an act of trust. Faith requires us to shift our focus and make a conscious decision to tap into something deeper than logic or our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I was recently invited to speak to a group of wives on the topic of “How to Have Faith in your Marriage Again.” Just a few mornings prior, I heard the Lord tell me to read Hebrews 11. As I began reading, I knew the Lord was downloading His words for these precious women to my heart. Here are eight practical steps I believe God wants everyone who is trusting Him for a turnaround in their marriage to take.

1. Speak Life

Hebrews 11:3 reminds us that God spoke the world into existence. He didn’t just think good thoughts. He didn’t simply imagine what a beautiful world would look like. He spoke it. We are made in God’s image, and what we speak comes to life whether good or bad (Proverbs 18:21). What kind of words are you speaking? Are you speaking dissolution or resolution over your marriage? Speaking life is the first thing you need to change in order to have faith in your marriage again.

2. Determine to Please God

Did you know that without faith it is impossible to please God? Think about that. Hebrews 11:6 spells it out. There was a time when I desperately wanted change in my marriage but I was inundated with thoughts of “What if . . .” I’d pray things would turn around, but then I’d immediately think of the worst-case scenario “just in case” things didn’t work out. If you want to please God, you must live by faith. God is willing and ready to act, so we have to be careful to not uncover our prayers with doubt.

3. Check Your Motivation

What is motivating you to have faith in your marriage? To have a happy life? To prove your parents or in-laws wrong? Hebrews 11:7 talks about Noah’s dedication to obey God because he was “motivated by godly fear.”  The fear of the Lord is something we don’t talk much about anymore. It’s a shame, really, because Proverbs 9:10 teaches that, “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom . . .” When you’re at your wit’s end, check your motivation. Allow the fear of the Lord to guide you as you wait for him to act on your behalf.

4. See the Big Picture

Having a good marriage is about more than you and your spouse. If you have children, they need your marriage to be restored. When I got married, I purposed in my heart that my husband, Shaun, and I would break the cycle of divorce in our families. Hebrews 11:7 tells us that Noah built the ark to deliver his family. All hell had broken loose in his world, but Noah purposed that his family would be saved. Follow in his footsteps. Have faith in your marriage as you determine that your family will be delivered.

5. Stay in the Game

Someone needs to hear this word: stay. “By faith, he stayed . . .” (Hebrews 11:9). Sometimes, you just have to dig your heels in and stand your ground. One of the hardest things to do is to stay in your marriage when you really want to leave. But Ephesians 6:13 encourages us to, “Therefore, put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and, having done all, to stand.” You’re in a battle, dear one! Where are your weapons? What are you doing to stand against the evil coming against you? When you’re tempted to leave, commit to stay.

6. Set Your Sights Forward

It’s nearly impossible to move forward when you keep looking back. Hebrews 11:10 tells us that Abraham was “looking forward” to what he had not yet experienced. If you are to have faith in your marriage, you, too, must look forward to change. Look forward to progress. Put the past behind you and expect God to move on your behalf. As you wait, encourage yourself with faith-filled content and stories of how people just like you made it through.

7. Follow God’s Design

I love how Hebrews 11:10 describes God as the architect and builder. We must believe that marriage was designed by God. He is the one who is drawing the plans for your marriage. He is designing it to be beautiful. But he doesn’t stop there. He’s also the builder. Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds a house, the workers labor in vain.” Yes, you have work to do, but take your cues from the master builder himself. Don’t get ahead of God and start making your own plans. That’s when it all falls apart. Trust God to build and sustain your marriage.

8. Believe God’s Promises

It’s hard to believe God’s promises when you don’t know them. In order to truly have faith in your marriage, you need to read the Word. Speaking of Sarah in the Bible, Hebrews 11:11 says, “she considered that the one who had promised was faithful.” Faithful to do what? To keep his promises. God does not lie. If he said he is able, he is able. If he said your dry bones will live (Ezekiel 37), they will! God can bring dead things back to life! Yes, even your marriage. He did it for Abraham and Sarah, and he did it for me. He is the God of the impossible!

As you meditate on these eight ways to have faith in your marriage again, get this . . . The number eight, in the Bible, represents new beginnings. God is able to make all things new. There’s a word for you. Believe it. God wants to do something new in your marriage? Will you let him?