If entire world denies marriage matters, Christians still cannot

In a familiar scene from the musical, “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tzeitel, the eldest of five daughters, reminds her sisters of the reality of marital economics. In imitation of the town’s matchmaker, she sings, “Did you think you’d get a prince? Well, I do the best I can. With no dowry, no money, no family background, be glad you’ve got a man!”  

As lighthearted as the song is, it reveals the not-so-romantic realities of marriage, realities that in other times and places were more pronounced and less obscured. Years ago, the Austin Institute for the Study of Marriage and Culture published a video addressing these realities. It should be required viewing, especially for young people and their parents. The Economics of Sex depicts the market realities of sex and marriage and, utilizing economic terms, makes the case of why fewer couples today pursue marriage and, if they do, it is later than ever before.  

According to the video’s analysis, the sexual revolution has complicated the dating step on the path toward marriage and has harmed women by lowering the social cost of sex and dating. The birth control pill, likened in the video to the same kind of “technological shock” that pesticides had in agriculture (i.e. good for production but with unforeseen effects on the environment), severed the connection of marriage and sex by uncoupling sex and procreation.

In a tale of unintended consequences, this severing normalized intimate relations outside of the commitment of marriage by lowering the risk of having a baby. In turn, men were less incentivized to seek serious relationships, especially at a younger age. This, in turn, has left a surplus of women who desire marital security but are unable to find it.  

Of course, unlike the situation for Tzeitel and her sisters, marriage is no longer the only way for women to gain financial security. That’s a good thing. However, this means that another incentive for pursuing marriage is eliminated. In the end, for both men and women, marriage is now seen as a “capstone” choice made by those who have achieved relational and financial security, rather than as a “stepping stone” toward these things and adulthood in general. 

Of course, these dramatic alterations do not ultimately matter if marriage is merely a social construct, an institution invented by people to navigate the social norms of a particular time and place. However, if marriage is more like gravity, a reality baked into human relationships from the beginning, these sorts of shifts away from it will have significant consequences, from loneliness and the normalizing of harmful and sinful behaviors on the personal level, to demographic winters and systemic poverty on the social level.  

Even so, the understanding of marriage and its place in the world has clearly shifted. According to a recent article in the Free Press, parents today are much more concerned with their adult children’s financial stability than with their marital status. According to Pew Research, young adults report little pressure from parents to marry and have kids, and parents report that they don’t consider these life commitments very important. Pew also found that only 39% of registered voters consider marriage and family a priority, while a majority say other political priorities are more important. 

Christian witness in this moment may well involve an intentional marketing campaign for the viability and importance of marriage. Though like Paul, some are not meant to be married, marriage is prized throughout Scripture as a primary element of the human experience, an essential ingredient of the created order, and as an example of the relationship between Christ and His Church. Even if the entire world denies that marriage matters, Christians cannot. 

Of course, the place to start is at home. Christian parents must not only model marriage but also teach what it is and why it matters. We must not assume the next generation understands marriage as God made it, especially when every single cultural message is to the contrary.  

In fact, it may be that the Church’s witness in this area needs to go even further to matchmaking. After all, who better to help young people, in the words of Tzeitel and her sisters, “find a match,” than those who know what marriage is and what it is for. 

Originally published at BreakPoint.