Why are you a Christian, but your neighbor is not?

“Why did you come to believe in Jesus but your neighbor (or brother, or friend, etc.) did not?”

While the question of why we came to believe the Gospel and why others didn’t is not unreasonable, often the implication behind the question is the unbiblical notion that everyone’s spiritual future is settled. It is not.

This basic tenet of Calvinism asserts that a person's spiritual destiny was unchangeably set by God from before the foundation of the world. Such a belief not only reflects a fatal futility in the power of the Gospel to save, but it denies God's own self-revelation as the “God of hope” (Rom 15:13).

So, back to the question at hand, “Why did we come to believe the Gospel while others did not?”

Grace abounds

Let's face it, the Gospel is an unbelievable story originally imparted to the world by some very improbable messengers. Yet we read over and over in our Bibles that even complete pagans who, upon hearing a single presentation of the Gospel, cast off all skepticism, ignore all scorn, expose themselves to persecution — even torture and death — and yet they believe this completely irrational story about God who became a man, walked on water, controlled the weather, was despised by his own people, crucified, buried, came back to life, and floated on a cloud up to Heaven.

As contemporary Christians, we too have come to believe this completely illogical, yet wonderfully divine story; but it was not without God's help. So, let's give credit where credit is due. “God is always previous,” posits Friedrich von Hügel, an early 20th century Christian apologist. Simply put, before we came to believe, God sought after us, and by “us,” I mean all of us!

Here are three ways God was “previous” in our lives.

1. Prevenient grace

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well (Psalm 139:13-14 ESV).

Psalm 139 reveals a God who was intimately and lovingly involved with every aspect of our development. We were created, formed, knitted together, wonderfully shaped, molded and crafted by a God who personally oversaw every intricate detail of our being to ensure that we would be adequate reflections of his own glorious image.

Then, to these precious creatures — the pinnacle of his creation — he gives “life, breath and everything else” (Acts 17:25). Finally, God imbues all people with a conscience (Rom 2:15), a spirit (Cor 15:44), the ability to know Him through creation (Rom 1:20) and the ability to love (1 John 4:19).

2.Positional grace

From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that [men] would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us (Act 17:26-27 NIV).

This verse describes a God who, out of love for His image-bearers, has actively manipulated our lives and arranged our circumstances with the specific goal of helping us succeed. In other words, God has “stacked the deck” in our favor, yet we must “reach out and find him,” though He’s always close at hand.

3.Personal grace

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you (Mat 28:19-20 ESV).

God sends us people.

I once read that the average believer has heard some form of the Gospel 17 times before responding with faith. When I think of my own Christian journey, that number sounds about right.

Perhaps you were blessed with a believing parent, a caring friend, a praying grandmother (I thank God for praying grandmothers!) — people sent by God to plant seeds, stir your spirit and point you to Jesus.

So, God makes the first move in people’s lives with benevolent acts of grace, but why hasn’t your neighbor (or brother, or friend) believed?

The overwhelming problem of God

At the heart of people’s rejection of the Gospel is what A.W. Tozer calls the overwhelming problem of God. “Who he is; that he is; what he is like; and what we mere mortals must do about him.” Tozer goes on to say that every error in a correct understanding of the Christian faith can be attributed to “imperfect and ignoble” thoughts of God.

I believe that it is only when such imperfect notions of God lead to a prideful, unwavering and firmly cemented refusal to “love the truth and so be saved” (2 Thes 2:10) that a person’s future becomes set. I’m confident that most unbelievers are still “works-in-progress” by the God who “desires that all be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim 2:4).

So, the next time someone asks why you came to believe in Jesus, but your neighbor/brother/friend didn’t, simply tell them that you came to believe because of the benevolent grace of God in your life — the God who stacks the deck, giving everyone their best chance of finding him, “though he's not far from each one of us.”

As for the unbelief of your neighbor? First, gently correct their question with the more appropriate, more biblical question, “You mean, why hasn’t my neighbor believed … yet.” Then, assure them that God is still lovingly revealing Himself and patiently waiting for your unbelieving neighbor to “reach out and find” him, because the God of hope is “not wanting that any should perish but that all should to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).