Would You Rather Be Rich or Famous?

I ask questions for a living on my podcast, The Happy Hour, but my interest in asking probing questions actually started on a cruise with some friends in 2010. I decided we needed to get the conversation moving around our table, so I facilitated some question-and-answer times.

I'm not sure I even remember where this question came from, but I've now asked it more times than I can count. It's a simple question:

"Would you rather be rich or famous?"

What I love about this question is that deep down, you aren't asking whether someone would rather be Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey or Jennifer Aniston. You're actually just asking, "What drives you?" Is it riches? Recognition? Money? Is it fame? Neither one is better or worse than the other; they're just different. They both have their pitfalls, only different ones.

My husband Aaron's answer was famous, and so was mine. Still is today. I'm not particularly proud of this desire, but I can't deny it's always been there in my heart. I desire greatly to be known.

Instagram has confirmed this need in me. At first, I didn't really care how many likes or followers I was getting. No big deal. But then overnight it became a contest. A thousand followers . . . 5,000 followers . . . 10,000 followers . . . goodness gracious, I now have 25,000 followers. I'd better give them great pictures then. So they don't leave me. So that my number of followers doesn't start dropping.

So each picture now is crafted for them, not for me. No longer am I creating the family scrapbook I started out to make; now I'm creating the scrapbook my followers are demanding from me. Or at least that's what my heart keeps telling me.

To be known is the constant struggle of the darkest places in my soul. It's embarrassing to admit. But if I was being totally transparent with you, which I am, here's what I'd say:

Hi, my name is Jamie, and I have a super ugly place in my heart. I want to be known so badly that it's crippling sometimes. I thrive off of others' approval. I'm happy if you're happy with me, and I'm sad if you feel like I've let you down. Oh, and I also feel good when I'm known for something, and feel bad when I'm forgotten about something. Also, if you don't like me, I'm crushed. (Please say you like me. Please say I'm good at this podcasting, speaking, writing, at being a mother, a wife, a friend . . .)

Is that not awful and exhausting? And yet so many of us live this way. The battle is constantly waging inside of us to be known, even though—without sounding too "churchy" here, I hope—in Jesus we are fully known and loved and accepted. Completely. His love for us is beyond our understanding, and yet right in front of us all the time.

In fact, let me tell you how far beyond my understanding Jesus' love has become for me. He knows I'm a sinner. He is fully aware of my struggle and desire for being known and loved. His desire is also freedom for me. He knows that my only source for being loved and known is in Him, and in His great kindness, He has given me a job that constantly puts me in front of people. It's almost like He wrote me a letter that says:

Jamie, I know your greatest desire, as well as your greatest weakness. So I'm going to throw you into the game with a job that depends on being known. From inside this job— where you'll be constantly tempted to seek your satisfaction in the love and acceptance of other people—this is how I'll best be able to show you that you constantly need Me, can constantly come back to Me, and can constantly remember that only in Me are you truly known. Now, go make your podcast, go stand on stages to speak, and go write a book pouring out your soul. Have fun. And along the way, let's get you free from needing others to make you feel good about yourself. All you need is Me. I love you . . .

Can you think of a similar example of this in your own life? Where God is tossing you into the deep end of your greatest need, for the purpose of showing You in the process that He is all you'll ever need?

For years, I laughed about my desire to be famous versus rich. And if you ask me today, my answer will still be the same. But I'm not so flippant about it anymore. I realize I'm fighting this sin on a daily basis of finding love and acceptance in other places and people besides God. Every day, no matter my level of fight, He is always there pursuing me, loving me, forgiving me and reminding me of the efforts He went to in order to make me His child.

And He's doing the same for you.

Jamie Ivey believes in women and wants big things for them. She wants them to know and believe their worth in this world and to the Father. Through her podcast, The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey, she uses a raw and intimate approach to connect with her audience. Jamie's prayer and hope is for God to use her words to encourage and show others that they are not alone, while constantly pointing them to Jesus.

Excerpted with permission from If You Only Knew: My Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of Becoming Free. Copyright 2018, B&H Publishing Group.