To be a bachelor or husband? A message to young men

To marry or not to marry? That is the question.

Should I devote my time to working on myself, focusing on my career, and being a lifelong bachelor? Or should I settle down, tie the knot with a beautiful young lady, build a life with her, and take a great leap of faith into the world of matrimony?

These are significant questions that most men answer in their heads at one point or another. They weigh the upsides and downsides of both being a bachelor and being a husband.

Now, some young men might be reading this who want to go all in on the lifelong bachelor lifestyle. They do not want to get hitched and start a family. They already know what direction they want to go and aren’t looking back.

I wish those men nothing but the best and do not look down on them for their choices. As the old saying goes, “to each his own.”

I write this as a young married man to young men who are currently unsure which path they want to take. It is important to think about this decision with the fact that the institution of marriage is at an all-time low in terms of popularity, the fact that women initiate 70% of divorces, the fact that women get custody of the children 80% of the time and a whole other myriad of key figures and facts.

These facts are nothing to sneeze at. They are important and shouldn't be ignored. The Internet bubble known as the Manosphere discusses these matters in great length, and they get a lot right. But they also get a fair amount wrong and don't always tell the full story.

Let me just lay my biases on the table. I knew that I wanted to get married and have children since I was in Kindergarten. I am a God-fearing Christian man who grew up in a God-fearing Christian, two-parent household with both of my parents having prior marriages. I dated, got engaged, and married my wife in less than a year. I was married at 24 while my wife was 20.

With that said, here are the three main reasons I encourage the young men I interact with to get married.

The first reason I am a firm advocate of marriage is due to the events of the early chapters of the Book of Genesis. In the first chapter, God establishes order and ensures everything is set to His perfect standard. God doesn’t rush but takes His time as He creates the heavens and the earth. As creation nears completion, God gives His divine approval at the end of each phase. In the first chapter alone, the phrase “it was good” appears six times in the New International Version.

Because God is the ultimate being, His standard of “good” is the highest of compliments. The first chapter ends with God looking at everything He authored and seeing it as “very good.”

At this point, Adam already has a job given to him by God. It was his job to be the manager of God’s earthly creations.

However, we see in Genesis 2:18 that God overlooks His creation and takes note of a serious problem. The man He has created is the only living creation that does not have a suitable partner. This is such a big deal that God says, “It is not good for man to be alone…” After this event, He proceeds to create Eve. At that critical moment, God is declaring just how important the institution of matrimony is.

The institution of marriage is more important than any other human institution that exists.

The second reason I encourage young men to get married is because family is universally important.

Regardless of a person’s career, political ideology, sexuality, religion, ethnicity, or any part of their background, family is one of the most important aspects of their life.

Do you think that you will be sitting in your chair at the age of 80 and wish you had worked even more hours than you already did? If you think so, check out Derek Thompson’s article in The Atlantic. Do you think the number of sexual partners you had will give you any solace? On Logan Paul’s podcast, well-known businessman and philander Dan Blizerian explained why that’s not the case and how he was “miserable.”

A while back, I rewatched a documentary on Pittsburgh Steelers’ legend Joe Greene. Joe is a Hall of Famer, 10 times Pro Bowler, 4 times Super Bowl Champion, 2 times Defensive Player of the Year, and he was the NFL’s 1969 Defensive Rookie of the Year. The man had a very storied career. He is one the greatest people to ever play the game of football.

But all those accolades, achievements, fame, and money, it’s not what he holds most dear. In the documentary, he isn’t taking pictures of his Super Bowl rings or his Hall of Fame bust. He is taking pictures of those he loves the most: his wife, children, and grandchildren.

On May 6, 2024, Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker gave a speech that went viral. In it, he explains that while all the graduates had their own paths to take and would experience various levels of success, there was nothing more important and beautiful than getting married and starting a family.

He had a tremendous line where he stated, “But in the end, no matter how much money you attain, none of it will matter if you are alone and devoid of purpose.” This comes from the man who made the game-winning field goal in Super Bowl LVII. He even pointed out that his wedding ring meant more to him than his two Super Bowl rings.

Youtuber Noah Kagan interviewed billionaires in one of his videos. One of the final questions he asks them is about how they want to be remembered. Paul Orfalea, the founder of Kinko’s, said that the highest compliment for him is being called “dad.” Andrew Viterbi, founder of Qualcomm, said he wants to be remembered as being the head of his family.

These are all men who achieved at the highest level in their field. They have great success and have made lots of money, yet the most important thing to these men is not their bank accounts, social status, or fame, but their families.

My fellow young man, at the end of our lives, we will not look back and focus on the amount in our accounts or the milestones we achieved. Our hearts and our heads will be concerned about those closest to us.

My third reason is that marriage builds you up, matures you, and changes you for the better.

My wife and I started dating on the evening of March 19th, 2023 and recently got hitched on December 21, 2023. In all my nearly 25 years of life, there has never been a 9-month period where I have evolved so much for the better.

Now this is not to say that those 9 months were all sunshine and rainbows. By no means was this the case. Those 277 days involved the death of loved ones, disease, tremendous financial hardship, heated arguments, a wrecked car, and other negative experiences. But these trials and tribulations ultimately matured us individually and collectively and brought us closer together.

While certainly a major risk, one of the beautiful things about marriage is that you and your spouse are tying yourselves together as you go through life. The good times will be easy to get through, but it is the bad times that will bring out the toughness, grit, and determination in both of you. And when you make that commitment with your spouse to get through it together and get over those hurdles, that is just such an incredible experience.

When you get married, you and your wife become a team. A single unit. Or as the Bible beautifully phrases it in various passages “one flesh.”

When you are single and go through bad times as a single man, it hurts you and that’s about it. But with your spouse being your other half, when either of you goes through a rough time, it hurts both of you. In a healthy marriage, each partner will help the other overcome. Your pain is her pain. Her pain is your pain. But on the flip side, your joy is her joy and her joy is your joy. This phenomenon causes you to grow and mature in ways you wouldn’t believe.

It is ultimately your decision which path you will take because it is your life to live.

My aim here isn’t to bash you over the head with the message of marriage.

My aim is to share with you that marriage is not this prison you are trapped in, which is the common message of the modern era. Marriage can be a difficult, yet beautiful and fun experience, as long as you choose your spouse wisely and build an unshakeable foundation with her.

Just choose wisely, young man.