This Testimony From a Former Porn Star Is Unlike Anything We've Ever Heard
One of our focuses here at XXXchurch has always been on those who are in the porn industry. We meet so many of them during outreaches and we've long known that they're regular people, just like you and me: they have dreams for life, they have bills to pay, they have parents and family and (occasionally) children. They just do something different for a living than many of the rest of us. And, very often, those who work in the industry would love to be doing something else but just don't know how to remove themselves from it.
One such person is Greg. We've gotten to know Greg, who used to act in porn under the name "Randy Spears." Here's a short video about Greg's story, as well as some thoughts he wrote down about his life in porn, his faith, and the power that both of those have had over his life. Check it out, and if this testimony from a former porn star speaks to you, go to XXXchurch.com/get-involved to get involved in helping people just like Greg.
"I have a story. We all do. Mine is not only unique, but highly controversial to many. A rebel if you will, but certainly with a cause. I became so used to my lifestyle that it became 'normal' to me. In retrospect, it was anything but. I am Randy Spears. I am also Greg. Porn was my job, my life, my universe, and I was deeply immersed in it.
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Let me make something perfectly clear from the beginning: I am a Christian. I have always been.
At the height of my career I was a Christian. I was raised that way and remained a Christian throughout my career. I just had one foot in and one foot out. The dedication to my faith and my Creator took a back seat to the lifestyle I wanted to live.
Let me make something else crystal clear: I do not hate porn people.
I do not look down on them in any way or judge the people that are in that business. Those people are my friends, and I love some of them dearly. How could I possibly judge anyone? That would make me the biggest of hypocrites and go against the very message in which I believe. I have never, and will never, "thump" anyone with the book that I firmly believe was God-inspired, protected through the ages, true, and which I carry under my arm to church every Sunday.
I don't rain down fire and brimstone messages to the hapless sinners who don't turn from their wicked ways. I have no soapbox or political agenda. It makes me weary to think of the energy I'd have to expend in such a conquest. I leave the saving to the one who saves: God.
I do however, carry a message. The message is simply this: there is a Creator.
This is way bigger than us. Incredibly, there is one who had no beginning, and has no end. He always was and is. An amazing entity Who loves us personally and wants a relationship with each of His created beings.
I have asked this God to change my life. To take away the pain I inflicted upon myself and others and to replace it all with truth, love, compassion, and a greater understanding of what this life stuff means. I ask the big questions and have the same questions everyone else does. The same questions we've all have asked since we were humans. I just asked God to show Himself to me if He was really real. I happened to have gotten an answer. A precise, clear, no-doubt-about-it answer.
Now, before you find me to be like the cuckoo bird coming out of the clock, I'm not saying I saw a burning bush or heard a booming voice like Charlton Heston from the movie The Ten Commandments. I heard God way more clearly than that! I felt His presence. Undeniable, unmistakable. The greatest love that I've ever felt. It washed over me with such power and force that all I could do was weep and thank Him for being real. His answer to me was, "I am real and I'm right here."
Porn didn't damage my life alone.
The bar or drug dealer didn't destroy my life alone.
It was me and what I did with porn, alcohol, and drugs that caused me grief and damage.
In retrospect, porn wasn't the best of choices for what I wanted to do with my life. It damaged the way I looked at women and became a money, fame, and ego trap. I used drugs and booze because I was in my own private hell and tried to numb the chaos. If I had it to do all over again, I would have held out to be a Hollywood actor and tried to live a totally different life. Perhaps a marine biologist, which was my dream since youth.
The bottom line is this: God is real.
He will reach down and show us mysteries and great blessings. We must have the desire to have him in our lives, however. What good are puppets that are made to love Him? It's about free will. The problem is, we don't want to be held accountable. If God's real — and I believe He is — then there is accountability to the Creator. That's just how it works. We are selfish and want to live the way we want. The good news is that we can live differently if we want. By God's power, not our own. He went so far as to send Himself as a sacrifice. We owe a debt we cannot pay, so he paid a debt He did not owe.
Truth is its own defense. After all, there can only be one truth. I happen to believe that Jesus was exactly who he said he was. That truth can set you free. It did me."
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